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P**** was not here!

Lowcog knows no fear in the battle to thwart all who offend the rights of its sponsors. It will take on all comers, including such ferocious foes as cakemakers, years, children's writers, estate agents, knitters, why, even archaeologists!

It transpires that the archaeological finds on the Olympic Park included an ancient P**** bottle! However, for the sake of decorum and in line with the principles of Olympic confidentiality the information about its identity has had to be redacted to preserve the rights of its Olympic rival.

Lowcog were so appalled by the prospect that archaeology might undermine the sacred bottling rights of its sponsor that it ordered the deviant artefact be removed from the display thereby advancing a developing area of Olympic spin, the rewriting of history. P**** was not there, it was not consumed by the ancient inhabitants of the Olympic Park, only London 2012 Tier One sponsor's bottles were ever buried in the waste pits of West Essex.

Lowcog wishes everyone to be clear that only one company, Coca Cola, was responsible for decaying the teeth of Victorian East Saxon children.

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